Frontier’s Quarantine School commercial doesn’t get it’s own point.

Eda Obey
4 min readMay 7, 2020

Their classic vanilla commercial jingle kept sticking in my teeth. When I did a little digging I ended up suspecting they copy/pasted a song with zero understanding of its symbolism.

Image: from Shutterstock by FamVeld

What did you learn in school today, dear little boy of mine? I learned that Washington never told a lie. I learned policemen are my friend. I learned that everybody is free.And that’s what teacher said to me. — Tom Paxton

I keep seeing Frontier’s “Quarantine School” commercial. Upbeat fun little slideshow of black and white photos of families dealing with home schooling accompanied with a grating upbeat guitar song “What did you learn in school today?”.

And I hate it. I couldn’t figure out why until I listened to the words and thought Well that isn’t even true by a long shot.

I learned that Washington never told a lie:

Washington ran a spy ring during the revolutionary war. Lying was his profession. Plus, everybody lies about something, It’s a primal survival technique. If it’s a life or death situation, lie your ass off. Nobody will be impressed by your honest corpse. It’s an obvious handjob to the colonialist martyrdom ideal of the founding of this country. Cherry tree, anyone?

I learned that policeman are my friend:

I’m friends with plenty of cops, but this lyric is troublesome because my lack of fear with cops is founded on being old, white, and boring. My black husband has derived great comfort in letting me drive and be the “white face” for our family. I’m the one who was always pushed to the front when the authorities show up. My dad was a cop and I know how to speak to them, humble with a thick layer of self-deprecation and heavy sprinkling how can we make this better?. I was sent outside multiple times in my youth to deal with cops at parties that were busted, but I’ve had those moments laying on the hood of a cop car thinking they’re going to shoot my ass and say I was fleeing. (I’m looking at you, Pelican Bay, Texas and your bullshit trailer park police force. That’s a fucked up story for another time). Believe me, nothing turns your guts to water quicker than getting the good ole boy vibe from someone who has a badge and a gun. We’ve all seen enough news stories to…

Eda Obey

Internationally published writer of urban animal fiction, short stories and feminist horror. EIC Last Girls Club.